Once upon a time, there was a not so little girl with golden hair sprinkled with streaks of silver and every day she would be told by others that she was too sensitive, too over the top, too cheeky, too disciplined, too loud…..or simply too much.
At the same time as all this too much-ness was going on, inside she was feeling like she just did not measure up. She told herself she was not pretty enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not rich enough, not good enough, just not enough.
So, you can imagine the inner turmoil and conflict she was feeling. And in the middle of all the too much or too little dialogue, this not-so-little girl with golden hair sprinkled with silver streaks was trying to bend and change and modify herself so she would be ‘just right’.
Let’s give the not-so-little girl with golden hair sprinkled with silver streaks a name…Goldilocks!
Now, Goldilocks, like all of us, wanted to fit in, wanted acceptance and wanted to belong. She grew up being told how to behave, what to think, what was right and what was wrong, and the consequences attached to failing to make the people around her feel comfortable.
The conditioning to be ‘just right’ meant our heroine was caught in a constant observe, assess, and modify behavioural loop. The truth was she was always going to be too much for some people, no matter how hard she tried to water down what she was gifted with and wanted to share with the world. Which then meant she failed and started to believe she was not good enough.
And to make things even trickier to navigate for Goldie, everyone had their own idea of what was acceptable or not acceptable forms of behaviours, thoughts, and feelings. So, to try and twist, turn and squish into a box for one person, would see her totally overflowing out of the box for another person! No wonder Goldilocks needed to lie down!
We all have a built-in survival need to belong and be accepted. This often takes the shape of conforming to the social norms at the expense of who we really are or want to be. Our feelings are hurt by the intolerances of others, we can feel left out or even ostracised and it is hard not to take that personally.
But I would like to point out in capital letters IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. You simply cannot take responsibility for the responses and feelings of others that you encounter. There is no ‘just right’ way to be. Some of us (and I include myself) are just going to be too much for some people and that’s okay. When we feel not quite good enough, that is ok too, take it as an opportunity to meet yourself in the mirror (Snow White?? No…that is a whole other story) and discover your ‘weakness’ might just be your greatest strength and those we are trying to please need to take off their bear costumes and let us show up in the world in whatever sparkly, shiny way we like.
So take heart, unlike the ‘real’ Goldilocks who, in the fairy tale, ran away when she was discovered, stand firm, look those bears in the eye and own your too-muchness as it is exactly this which lights you up and that is, in my world, ‘just right’!
with love, light & protection